I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
