alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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