i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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