you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
