That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
