Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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