I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
