If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
