Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
