"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
