i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
