I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
