I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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