Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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