at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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