The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
