Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
