So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
