My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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