nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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