No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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