If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
