i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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