$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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