That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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