in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
