drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
