I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
