I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
