Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
