what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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