Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
