If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
In America we eat man semen.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
