how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
