Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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