i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
