Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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