Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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