I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This baby is an asshole
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
