every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
