I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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