Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I could teleport
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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