Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
