Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it glows. i had to have it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
