he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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