Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When are your genitals available?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
