This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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