i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
