I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
