i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
