your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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