...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Pants are for mortals
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
