Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
